From: Sonya Hipper (sonyalynn_at_earthlink.net)
Date: Thu May 06 2004 - 10:58:51 PDT
Mouse,
On May 5, 2004, at 11:33 PM, newtontalk_at_newtontalk.net wrote:
> in the workplace i fight my own battles..i find if you become friends
> with
> the men instead of enemies..
I *am* friends with the men in my workplace, thankyouverymuch. And I
have the presence of mind and tact to let someone know if they're
crossing any boundaries of mine...which takes work, I assure you, and
hasn't happened to me personally during my own professional life. I'm a
netadmin with a "Cat-5 o' 9 Tails" on my cubicle wall. How uptight
could I be?
> not only do you not have to endure anyone
> getting way over the top..they dont feel the need to compete..
Fact is, tho, some men do take it over the top. It's not like sexual
harassment isn't a real thing. And it's certainly not the fault of the
woman in question simply for looking or dressing in any way.
> men can be and are very good friends...
A-yup. Some of my own very best friends, and all that.
> i don't want 'the movement' as you put it ruining it for me..
What's feminism "ruining"? The fact that you can be as empowered and
forward as you are is because of, and not despite, the changes wrought
by feminism over the last century.
> it took a long time to build trust..cause they thought i would
> complain about being callled 'sweetie' and 'darling' but i don't
> mind..and i
> have given the guys pet names as well..."hunk" and "studmuffins" are
> just a
> couple..and well all LAUGH about it.
And that's all wonderful. I'm a "hon", "sweetie", and otherwise
flirty-language-using sort myself. My sense of humor ranges to the
truly sick. But that's just you, and just me, and each person has his
or her own boundaries. I would be the first to say that most women
don't enforce them very well, choosing instead to complain through
"official channels" or gossip. Don't expect everyone to be like you.
> that is the way it should be..jovial..feminists take the
> movement..their
> lives and everything around them WAY TOO SERIOUSLY
Oh, puh-leeze...there's a time and a place. I snark around and laugh at
many of the twists and turns that the women's movement has gone
through. I can laugh at almost anything...especially myself, really.
Something like Anita Hill, though, I *do* take seriously. (And the less
said about Clarence Thomas, the better!) But no one who knows me would
say I take very much seriously at all...if anything they would say I
rarely take things seriously enough, and, again...I'm a
self-identified, Susan-Faludi-reading, math-and-tech-anxiety-busting,
sexually-liberated-and-not-afraid-to-talk-about-it feminist, so clearly
your stereotype falls down. A lot.
So, ya know...the generalizations do no one any good. But you know...if
someone told me I couldn't do something because I was a woman, or a
lesbian, or any other clearly irrelevant thing, I'd take it pretty
seriously! Wouldn't you?
> no such thing as a better class of feminists..they are all dykes..at
> least
> they look and act like it to me!!
Hmmm...there's so MUCH I could say to that. Especially given that I
*am* a dyke and you're sitting there using the term as some kind of
insult. And yet, I wear girly clothes, make-up, perfume, push-up bras,
shave my legs, get my hair done, and otherwise all-'round enjoy being a
girl. None of which means that I don't expect respect (and deference to
my technical authority, seeing as I know more about computers than any
of the men OR women in my company, which is why I'm the IT goddess!) at
work. I look for the same femme qualities in the women to whom I'm
attracted, BTW...no "butches" for me. And, again, not that there's
anything wrong with butch women. Some of my best friends, yadda yadda.
I also enjoy being a geek and having hot anime grrls on my Newton as a
backdrop. :-P
In short, I have everything I want, and am quite happy. Only, I just
know whom to thank for my ability to even BE all the things that I am
and celebrate, HAVE the education. rights, and protections I do,
'Course, if you have some kind of *problem* with "dykes" and feminists,
maybe you should look into some therapy as to why they scare and bother
you so. Ya think? Maybe you were traumatized by a Dworkin-spouting
"dyke" as a child...? *chuckling*
-Sonya
==
"I urge you all today, especially today during these
times of chaos and war, to love yourself without reservations
and to love each other without restraint. Unless you're into
leather. And then, by all means, use restraints."
—Margaret Cho
Sonya Hipper
sonyalynn_at_earthlink.net
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